March 23rd, 2011 → 7:49 pm @ Andrew Bernstein // 4 Comments
Q: “Isn’t ActivInsight simplistic in suggesting that change happens by just flipping a thought around and proving it?”
A: I get variations of this question from time to time, mostly from smart, skeptical people who haven’t yet sincerely tried ActivInsight for themselves. Let me answer it with a true story (drawn from the Wall St. Journal).
In early 2000, Bill Gates handed control of Microsoft over to Steve Ballmer. Gates was getting ready to focus on the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, but he wasn’t gone yet. In the meantime, he didn’t like the strategic direction that Ballmer was heading in. So, during executive committee meetings, Gates would make sarcastic remarks, undercutting the new CEO. They even got into shouting matches, with Gates storming out of the meetings.
The struggle lasted month after month, until an entire year had passed, with board members, executives, and even Gates’ and Ballmer’s wives having tried unsuccessfully to get them to patch things up. Microsoft lost significant ground strategically during the impasse, but nothing would heal the rift.
And then one day, Gates realized that he shouldn’t be in control of the company’s direction anymore because the truth was that he had handed over the reins. And in that moment, everything changed. The two established a clearer understanding of their responsibilities. Gates stopped making negative comments, and started sincerely deferring to Ballmer on important decisions.
People who know how to do ActivInsight will easily spot the belief in the paragraph above (“I should still be in control of the company’s direction”) and the negation. What would have happened if, instead of telling Bill Gates to think differently (and strengthening his defensiveness as a result), the people around him had coached him to challenge his own belief? With the right coaching, he would have been given a framework to get to that insight much, much faster. And the company wouldn’t have wasted more than a year spinning its wheels when they desperately needed to be moving forward.
I know that it can sound simplistic to say that exploring the flipside of your beliefs leads to real insight, but that’s exactly what happens whenever we actually do have an insight. We see that we were fundamentally mistaken, and through that realization, everything shifts. Every insight you have ever had has worked this way. It recategorized your belief from true to false. This tends to happen passively, as it did with Mr. Gates, because we don’t know how to make it happen actively, and because in the meantime we resist seeing something other than what we believe. We think we’re right.
But if we experience frustration or anger, we’re not right. Something is off in our thinking and we just don’t know it yet. ActivInsight gives us a fast way to identify, test, and invalidate these beliefs so that we can return to sanity much sooner. Doing that, once you know how, is simple… but not necessarily easy.
Renata B.Zocchio
11 months ago
Andrew,
I was wondering how could people ask you such a question. I´m used to face a lot of skeptical people, and the subject I talk about is something one could easly be skeptical. But when I saw this post I took a time thinking how come that one could be skeptical about the way you put things. That quick? For how long you hear this question ,that sounds more like a poitn of view of this (these ) person (s)? I hear “isn´t this or that” kind question for 30 years. I do like every question I have to answer, always. Even when I have to say I can´t answer you now. But thinking about what kind of smart and skeptical person you are mentioning, comes to my mind that some people are just skeptical. It´s the way they are. They can´t help ( as long as they feel confortable that way). Are this smart person testing you to see if it´s worthy to try one worksheet? Anyway the question gave us a nice answer of you and your work. Congratulations. PS- I have working on a ‘should shouldn´t” issue for two months that I would like to share. Where to you prefer i mention it? Renata.
Andrew Bernstein
11 months ago
Hi Renata,
It’s always a good reminder to see that skepticism is just another form of intelligence. We all have our mental “risk management” models, and some of us have had experiences (and so have beliefs) that lead to being more conservative. For me, it’s just a lesson that I have to get better at presenting relevant and meaningful examples and doing what I can to provoke curiosity and overcome biases. I like the challenge (but will spend most of my energy working with people who don’t need convincing).
How about sharing in the Facebook group? Or, if you can wait a few weeks, I’ll be launching an online forum in April.
Renata B Zocchio
11 months ago
Andrew,
good point. I will be thinking of the meaning of skeptical and inteligence for another few days.It is relevant. I will wait the forum, ´cause I thought it was done, this particular worksheet, but yesterday I saw that is not. Round three will arrive this sunday. As I feel that the level is again, or still in 10, something deeper will come out.
Renata Zocchio
10 months ago
Well, I had time for many rounds , Andrew. Other strong things that happened during this two weeks showed me that is better to go into these difficulties on this worksheet, because many others will come. There was a hailstorm at my place, with ice the size of a golf ball, almost a car accident, and some problems with my youngest son. Then, what was a terrible discussion in my mind became just a fine and smooth worksheet, the one I mentioned above. The worksheet I named ‘I shouldn´t be waiting for this person’ , or ‘I shouldn´t put myself in a situation of waiting’ .Those who knows me will agree that I´m not the kind of person to wait.I felt, while writing in the car (yes I carry with me some worksheet), that level 10 was not enough.I can leave it in facebook as well, if the forum is not running yet.
About skeptical and inteligence, I ´m thinking still, because I look to my neighbor and something doesn´t fit, maybe he is the exception that confirm the rule.Another thing: your worksheet saved me in a very unpleasant conversation (thank you). I gave one to this person that I had in my hands and something changed . I gained time to run away from that place, in the best french way. People surrond me are saying to me : You shouldn´t be doing these worksheets, based on what they of me. All the best, Renata